Trickling in

Got some good news--State of NY has cleared up the paperwork and I'm eligible to receive unemployment benefits. Good thing as it doesn't look like I'll have another temp job lined for next week. Looks like I'll be spending next week getting registered at other agencies.

Sad to say, but I have no idea of what I want to do to earn an income. I fell into IRB work back in 1999. Looks like I'm relying on a similar plan--wonder what I'll fall into this time? Hopefully it will be more compatible with my interests.

Things are wrapping up on my current assignment. It's been interesting talking to my fellow temps. The rumors that are flying. There's a possibility a couple may be asked to stay on for a while. There's one who really wants to be added so she can at last get herself settled in LA. I really hope she's asked as she's worked her butt off. There are a couple of others who ought to be asked to stay on as well, if indeed there are openings. They work hard and efficiently. I wouldn't mind being asked, but I'm too slow--I lack the rapid 10 key entering abilities of the others. The guy I described in my monday post is lobbying hard--being very friendly with the permanent staff and stepping into the office of the man in charge. His politics is rather obnoxious and reminds me of this woman I couldn't stand at my old job in NYC--she was all politics and little ability, but she managed to climb the ladder until finally the insane woman who took over my office got some sense and made life hell for her. Anyway, at least this guy is good to look at as he goes about his plan. If he is asked to stay, it better not be at the expense of the woman who most deserves to stay on.

There's another temp who intrigues me. He moved to LA from Texas about 8 years ago and seems to have been temping and doing various AA jobs ever since. He's very gregarious, though often the butt of jokes amongst the staff. He seems to take it in stride. Yet he's a contradiction. ON one hand, he complains about the work and how low it pays, yet he refused two better paying assignments. His rationale being that he doesn't want to alienate the agency. Yet there are hundreds of other agencies in town, and one of those assignments could be a better fit for him and for all he knows could lead to permanent employment. The guy also tends to put his foot in his mouth--he's prone to making inappropriate comments such as when he told a pregnant temp it will be sad when she has her baby. Huh? But he is a good soul--he enjoys life in LA in comparison to what he had in Texas. He seems to have friends in many parts of the world. He's active in his church. And he told us a story about a neighbor whom he took to Marie Callender's for dinner after her husband was brutally murdered. But underneath, I sense a lingering, suppressed anger. The cause of which I don't know, I can only speculate. I suspect he's a virgin and very lonely, despite what he's told of his life. Maybe one day he'll return to Texas? In some ways, he's a more social version of an old roommate of mine from my days in San Francisco, but that's the subject for another post. Anyway, one thing's for sure, chances are slim that he'll be asked to stay on at the temp job. But if he's asked to stay on, I'll bet he jump at the chance, despite his dissatisfaction and complaints.

Neil Diamond night American Idol

I thought tonight's Idol was pretty dreadful. However, I've never liked Neil Diamond's music much to begin with.

Best moment: Paula giving her critique of Jason's second song and getting confused when told he hadn't sung it yet. I did notice she tried to give serious critiques this evening.

Second best moment: David Cook flirting with Ryan during the Q and A. I think La Seacrest will be in a wonderful mood at the office tomorrow. I think SeaCook is this year's answer to Cake.

I think Brooke redeemed herself with her second performance tonight. I liked David Cook's second song. Archuleta gave his fans what they want and he's obviously emulating Kristy Lee--I wonder if he'll become slutty next week? Syesha was in good voice, but she's a theater singer, not a pop or R and B singer. Jason Castro was the weakest tonight.

I think either Syesha or Jason will be going home tomorrow night.

Click, click, tap, tap

The life of a data entry operator. There's a guy at work who's working really hard to get picked up permanently. He started just last thursday. He gave his card to the head of the office and whenever he has a problem that needs to be fixed, he's chatting up staff. Yet, on friday, he argued with staff on how to go about the work. And at the end of the day, he spoke out on how unfair it was that he wasn't asked to work extra hours. So today, he reported at 8AM and will work until 6. All this week. One of my fellow temps called him a "white guy who thinks he knows it all". I wonder if the permanent staff thinks the same? I was surprised he was even there today given his arguing on friday. Perhaps they don't want to bring in and train a new temp with one week to go on the project? I'll be curious if he will be asked to stay. I'm keeping my fingers crossed as I feel comfortable there (and I love the commute) but I expect to be seeking a new temp assignment next week.

Lazy, lazy, lazy sunday

This weekend I had good intentions to go to Westwood to attend the LA Times Book Festival. Didn't happen. My excuses?

Temperature was sunny and low 90's. I don't like being outside in that kind of weather.

Reluctance to revisit the UCLA campus.

And I got sucked into America's Next Top Model marathons on MTV. There's something about that show I find so addictive. I enjoy watching the journeys the contestants take--a number of them grow up and/or become competent beginning professionals. I find it all quite touching, especially girls who either discover much to their surprise that fashion modeling is their calling in life, or alternately, a girl who realizeds that her girlish dreams of modeling are not what she really wants.

Today MTV aired Cycle 3, with the best final 2--Eva and Ya Ya. I preferred Ya Ya--she reminds me of a former colleague of mine back in NYC, but I understand why Eva was picked as she's got star quality. I do wonder what happened to these girls after the show is over and done with?

Worthy?

While I was doing my entering and processing at SAG, I had plenty of time to think. There are times when I think they'll find a mistake and tell me to leave. Or they realized, quite accurately, I'm not as fast as the others and ask me to leave. I guess I'm still baring some scars from earlier this month. Then again, I always felt like a fraud while doing IRB work. I'm good at pushing paper, but I didn't really care much about the content, though the occasional interesting scenario would come up. I obviously got some self esteem issues, but then again, I use those feelings of inadequacy to attempt to do well.

Still, I think the UCLA situation forced me to face the truth--I really don't belong in the IRB world any longer.

One more week of SAG then???????

This weekend I'm going out to UCLA to attend the LA Times Book festival. Wonder what that will be like. I spent a part of this afternoon daydreaming scenarios of what would happen if I encountered one of my former UCLA "colleagues" at the Fest. Well, it helped the time go by quickly.

creativity

Earlier this evening I read about Jean Seberg's experiences making Lillith, in which Jean plays the title role of a mad woman. To prepare for the role, Seberg visited a mental hospital in Maryland. One patient made a striking impression on Seberg. The woman often thought she was God and as a result, she spent much of her time knitting to make ovaries, livers, stomachs, hearts and other human body parts. Fascinating.

For several years I've been toying with a story idea about a woman who is suddenly discovered and launched into stardom. The ballyhoo fails and she's left to pick up the pieces. I don't know how to start the story. Perhaps I should begin the story near the end with my protagonist checked into a mental ward where she encounters a woman who thinks she's God and knits human body parts?

Another week

Found out today that my temp assignment has been extended another week. The 15 minute walk to and from work has me so spoiled.

Still reading the Jean Sebert biography. I've an idea to write a novel about a self destructive type. I had such a character in my unpublished/unrepresented novel that I wrote a few years back. There's something about self destruction that really draws me in. To have so much talent and adoration, yet one still makes choices in life that ultimately do them in. I probably have such a streak myself, though at least I don't have much talent and certainly no mass love!

Quiet day

Logged in my hours at work doing my entry. Right now I find the repetiton quite comforting and the content is a more natural fit than my 9 years in IRB world. I'm just going to have to embrace that I'm reinventing my life. In a sense I'm too old to be doing this, but I've always consider myself someone who doesn't embrace what is conventional. So I guess I have to live by my principles.

American Idol was intersting tonight. David Cook is the most talented and in a perfect world should win. But this is not a perfect world and Archuleta is still the front runner as he has the most ardent AI voter in his camp, the young girls. And for the first time this season, I really like Syesha Mercado. She's got a future in theater.

And speaking of Idol, I'm reading the biography Played Out by David Richards. It's about Jean Seberg, the actress discovered by director Otto Preminger to play Joan of Arc after a worldwide talent search which culminated in an announcement on Ed Sullivan. In a sense, Jean participated in an American Idol like search with a coronation televised on National TV. St. Joan flopped and Seberg's career floundered for two years until she re emerged as a French film star in Godard's New Wave classic Breathless. Unfortunately she died a suicide in 1979 at the age of 41 after enduring years of mental illness and torment. Very sad story. As the cliche goes, beware of what you wish for, you might get it.

Preoccupied and lazy

Well so much for posting every day. Since I last posted, I've applied for a bunch of jobs in NYC, LA and Ann Arbor. I attempted to file for unemployment in NYC, but it's caught up in red tape thanks to a data entry error from someone at my last job. I registed at a temp agency and I'm doing a two week data entry assignment at an office near where I live. The easy commute has already spoiled me rotten. And despite my promise that I was leaving IRB forever, I applied for a job at the IRB office at Children's Hospital LA. They interviewed me last week. I think it went OK, but probably talked too much about UCLA. Also, I really blew the question on what my mission/purpose is in pursuing further IRB work. I haven't heard back yet, nor have my references been contacted so I think I can forget about this job. MOre proof that I really should leave IRB forever.

Hopefully I can get another assignment from my agency for next week. If not, I 'll register at another agency to broaden my prospects. I think I'm going to be temping for some time. The hoops one has to jump through these days to get a job.

Job hunt day 1

The last time I was without a job was 1999 when I moved to New York. Times sure have changed. Everything is online, including temp agencies. And unemployment benefits. That would be great as I remember the other time I filed for Unenjoyment in 1995 when I moved to San Francisco. The unemployment office is one of the saddest places to be. Unfortunately, California has a policy that if you worked in another state the past 18 months, you have to file by phone. And there have been cutbacks at the Unemployment office and the phone lines are jammed. I couldn't even get into the que to file a phone claim. Try again tomorrow.

Today I spoke to a contact in New York (yeah, despite my blog name, I'm already considering moving back), emailed my resume to three agencies and registered at the Kaiser job site. Next, I'm heading out to buy a Backstage West--perhaps there are some actor/writer friendly temp agencies that still advertise. If so, I'll visit their websites tomorrow and apply.

I'm very pessimistic right now.

Old classmates

Today I went to a barbeque at my friends' John and Andre's place. Consume quite a bit of champagne so what do I do when I get home and go on the net. Break down and visit classmates.com. I register for the Free account and checked out who else from my graduating class from Hackett High in Kalamazoo are registered. Not that many and a number of whom whose names I haven't thought of since I graduated. I've no desire to contact anyone on the list. I wonder if any of them will contact me? I doubt it. Last time I've heard from anyone in High School was back in 2002 or so. The woman whose locker was next to mine senior year sent me a letter via my parents. It was nice to hear from her, but it was apparent she was quite lonely and was in some sort of restarting her life stage ( I can relate!). I can't help but think that she might have been boyfriend hunting, though that could just be my ego. I wrote back--told her I was gay. She replied, but I can sense she was surprised and let down, though she was decent about it. I never wrote back. I've never been too sentimental about my past, especially my growing up years in Kalamazoo Michigan. The years certainly shaped me, but from the age of 11 onward, it was a very isolating time, and in some respects I've never really bounced back from those years.

Well better wrap this up, the champagne is making me melancholoy. Going to finish up Foster Hirsch's biography of Otto Preminger.

Bad Sun

I promise not to write much about my time at UCLA. But this song "Bad Sun" by The Bravery really sums up my time in LA so far. The music matches the potential LA offers--I live in a great neighborhood and I know a few interesting people--but the downbeat lyrics certainly have parallels with my situation with the UCLA IRB office.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGTs0tssdKs

Here I am

Back in January I moved out to Los Angeles. I never anticipated moving to LA. But back in September things went suddenly bad at my workplace in New York City. I worked for what is called an Institutional Review Board (IRB). An IRB is responsible for reviewing any research study that proposes to use humans as subjects. The IRB is mandated to ensure that potential subjects are fully informed of what they are about to enter and to ensure that the potential benefits outweigh the risks. I could carry on more about IRBs, but that would be boring.

Anyway, the office where I worked, while far from perfect, was operating decently. The people were kind, pleasant, efficient, competent and quite a batch of strong personalities. But we needed a new Associate Dean. So management in all their wisdom brought in an insane woman from Chicago to take over the reins. Lots of turmoil, drama and bad blood resulted. The workplace became a stress filled cauldron literally overnight. I had to clear out. So I started job hunting.

Now I've been to LA several times in the past couple of years on vacation. To my surprise, I liked it. Also, I've become quite a connessieur of Film Noir and hard boiled novels, many of which are set in LA. So I thought, hey, if a position opens in LA, let's apply and see what happens. Sure enough a position was created at UCLA--a one year contract job as an IRB Coordinator for the General Campus IRB. After a telephone interview and a writing test, I got an offer which I accepted.

Right after New Year's I moved to LA and started my job at UCLA.

Less than 3 months later, I was fired.

Reason? For refusing to take direction and for throwing disruptive outbursts.

Though facing economic insecurity and uncertainty about what to do next, I'm relieved. I hated the place. Though the people running the outfit aren't insane like the crazy woman from Chicago, they're stuck in a rut. They had no idea what to do with me ( I sat in 3 different desks and reported to 6 different people) and the way they carried out their business is stuck in 1992. Worse, the environment was very controlling and employees are given little room to think and act for themselves to get the job done. They even have a 3 page dress code!

So here I am in Los Angeles, unemployed and wondering what to do next. I once wrote a novel which never got published. I've a lifelong interest in film history and all facets of the entertainment and cultures have long fascinated me. I want to start writing again; I want to for once in my life do paid work that pertains to my interests; and I want to actually experience LA. For the past 3 months, my life has been wake up, get on the bus, go to the office, eat lunch, do more work, get on bus, go home, watch TV and surf the web. Now I can break out of my rut.

This blog will document my attempt to re-invent myself and start life anew in Los Angeles. I don't know how it will end up. But I hope that it will be much more stimulating and interesting than what I've gone through these past few months.