The Waiting Game

Last week I sat around waiting to find out if any internal candidate applied for the open position within the Guild. Someone did and passed the tests. But the good news is that the guy who applied works within the office and now his position is open. Now I have another week or so to wait. I've been assured no one internal will apply for it because it's entry level. Yay, I'm going for the big bucks! But as I wrote after I got fired, I'm willing to start all over at the bottom if it the work's in a field I'm well suited for. And as a former actor with the gift for pushing paper, I'm well suited for the Guild.

No word yet from UM. Hopefully they'll make an offer to the other candidate.

Had another depressing conversation with my mother sunday. My father is in the hospital again. No particular reason, he's just sitting around waiting to die. It's all in his head. I think if I compromised and headed back to Michigan I would be making the same mistake my father made long ago. I remember one time he told me he always wished he had been able to live in a large cosmopolitan city like Paris. Well he settled for Kalamazoo and he did well there. But then he and mother chose to retire to Hillsdale. My mother wanted to recreate the ideal image of her childhood hometown. My father moved because he was mad Western Michigan University practiced affirmative action to fill his spot on the faculty. What a stupid reason to move. Shortly after they moved, my father instantly regretted leaving Kalamazoo and was thinking of moving back and living in an apartment. I wish he had. He's never been happy there. He had his work to keep him occupied and breakfast out every day. But now he no longer has any interest in writing. He just sleeps or feels sorry for himself. What a sad, pathetic way to wind down a life. When I think of other people I've met in NYC who are in their 70's, 80's and 90's who are still engaged with life and keeping busy, I just get mad at my father. Perhaps he might be still be in the same mental state if my parents had stayed in Kalamazoo, but I would like to think he would be a little bit happier. I might be a selfish, ungrateful bastard for refusing to move back to take care of them, but I don't want to end up like my father, stuck in a place for years on end out of obligation and committment. Emphasis on Committment.